What is this? Personal Attack Ayrie Week? I have been getting this crapola from every side-friends and family. I rarely post birdseye views at arguments I am having with anyone but not this one. Why this one you ask? Well, because it is not only an attack on me but also my mother. And everyone knows that you just don't say bad stuff about MOM. Especially mine because she is AWESOME! Good hearted and good natured. Plus, the bible says, "not to let your good be spoken evil of." So I am going to post this argument in it's full glory. It started with this email to Tristian:

Tristian,

Ayrie use to send mom and me some of the prettiest versed Christmas cards. I don't think we have gotten as much as a Christmas card in 3 years and if you do come to Christimas dinner this year granny says not to buy Christmas gifts because we just didn't have the money to buy anybody anything for Christmas. Is this why you have not been to see us for Christmas in 3 years because you know that you will not recieve a Chistmas present because we just don't have the extra money? You people don't understand anything or don't give a damn one. But my brother is in the hospital in repiratory failure and I have cryed all day long because I know what that means for your uncle. If family can be together for Christmas and their healthy that is worth more than any Christmas present and what money can buy

YOUR MOTHER (a.k.a. Momma-No-Good)


BTW, we have never been to anything Tristian's family has for the holidays because one they don't ever invite us or tell us where it going to happen. Plus, Tristian really doesn't like to go see his mom. He's been that way since I met him.


Mom,

Jesus Christ , I have all I need and do not need anything from you...and no I will still have done the same things even if you were filthy rich. By the way wouldn't this conversation have been alot easier if you would have found out what my plans were this comming christmas and arranged something with all of you instead of this rambling and bitching.

Tristian

Tristian,

I feel like I'am being shunned away from you and Ayrie in the same way that Ayrie's mother did me at the wedding. She choose not to have anything to do with me. It would have been nice to have been friends with Ayrie's mom . You know that I don't even know Ayrie well enuff to even have a conversation with her to get to know her as long as you two have been married. I would liked to have gotten to know Ayrie's mother and made friends but, that wasn't Ayrie's mother's choice and I feel like that I'am being shunned away from you seeing me. You did say that when I e-mail you that you always e-mailed me back. It is always to hear from you. You don't want me to be apart of anything and I'm being pushed back away and you are pushing me back from you seeing me it is really nice to know that you e-mail me. Tell me when the last time I even saw you.

MOM



Another email transpired here from Tristian but I couldn't find it... read on. This is where she talks bad about my mom.



Tristian, I just wanted to take time here to e-mail you. There is something I just wanted to talk to you about. There is a problem here of family and I will tell you why. There are reasons why I say what I do because of bad words and bad behavior from Ayrie's mom . I will never forget the words out of Ayrie's mom's mouth to me at you and Ayrie's wedding rehearsal on that night because of what lives with me even now is more of very bad hehavior more than the words beyond. The words that was spoken was THIS MARRIAGE WILL NOT WORK! This lady that was Ayrie's mom did not even introduce herself to me or anything. She was very bitter, angry , hostile and the thing about it was that the feelings that she was feeling did not have anything to do with me. But I saw through everything that she wanted to fight the bitterness and anger toward me of being on the other side of the fence of you and Ayrie getting married. You were my son and that is when I started feeling like this was family push to shove of one side aganist the other side from Ayrie's mom's behavior to me. Even more so at the wedding, she never took the time to speak to us at all. Me, granny and Grandmaw sat there by ourself sitting there after the cake was cut after the wedding . I have never been at a wedding in my life that was so one sided and I felt so out of place and not welcomed toward Ayrie's family. It was very noticeable and was as plain as the hand in front of your face. I just really believe honestly that this is why you and Ayrie have not came to see or call granny on the holidays in three years . I will tell you one thing and I will tell Ayrie myself MY MOTHER AND MY BROTHER AND THE FAMILY WILL NOT BE MISTREATED FROM AYRIE'S MOM'S BEHAVIOR BEING ACTED TOWARD US IN ANY MATTER OR WAY WHAT SO EVER! You know what kind of shape of health your granny is in and its the grace of god that she is alive and your uncle IS THE THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW AS I SPEAK RIGHT NOW IN RESPITATORY FAILURE. One of these days he is going to go down and will not be able to come back up again .

I feel like I'm walking right back into the same situation. When you were a boy growing up this is the same thing that your dad tryed to teach you. Not to have anything to do with us because of his devilish despite toward me and the family. I fell like I'm walking through the same thing all over again because of other people's problems that has nothing to do with us. I will not allow the family to walk back into the same tracks again.

YOUR MOM



I was pretty hot after reading that one. I wanted to go VISIT her right then and there and lay a smack down for talking about my momma. Thank goodness, Tristian stook up for me and mom...



...emm even if that were true that was 5 years ago so who gives a crap. And btw what brings this up years later, are you on your medicine? You never see Ayrie's mother so why do you give a shit what she thinks?

I'm not a boy I'm a grown man. I don't need to be mothered.

I'm fine , the world s fine. I'm aware of granny's health, I went and ate supper with her one night last weekend. But I could not find your house to save my life , btw.

And finally, I really do not give a fuck what people think about me...

You will probably never see, (which I hardly ever either)Ayrie's mother, so drop it. Family problems 5 years ago , with someone you never see, she is not your problem nor your family.

What I think this is, is where your are losing your mind again and rambling about some bullshit, nor will I participate in a conversation that is about something that happened when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Btw Ayrie's mothers behavior is none of your concern, so mind your own business there also. I'm grown, I can handle my own business, my own way...also if any what you said was true Ayrie's mother was under alot of stress that day...

Either way this is how it should have been handled at the time. First, you do not wait 5 years to bring shit up, you handle it right when it happens; second you ask, "What the fuck is your problem?"; and third, you forget about it.

Final statement, You need to evaluate your mental capacity because I think your are mentally off or somehow screwed up in the head to bring up all this shit out of the blue, and without provication of any kind after so many year. You need to go back to the doctor and tell them your fucking nuts again. Lastly, I do call granny, and I do e-mail you so you need to get your facts straight before you accuse me or anyone else again. As for Ayrie & her family, they have done nothing to you whatsoever.

Tristian



YEAH TRISTIAN!!!


Tristian,

I just wanted you to know that the reason that I talk about this now is because it has alot to do of the things that lie on the surface of why you don't have anything more to do with me as your mother. I'm really glad that you have gone to see granny. I don't like that you go see granny but never come see me, I'm your mother. Are you going to treat me like Ayrie's mother did and choose not to have anything to do with your own mother like she did us. You talk about me and my medicine. No, it is not about me and my medicine. It is not even about being messed up in the head. The behavior was at me first and then to granny and as well as great grandma which she did not catch on to what has going on at the wedding. This is not about anybody being messed in the head at all. Are you going treat me like Ayrie's mother did by not not ever having to anything to do with me as your mother as Ayrie's mother did? I will say again it doesn't have anything to do with being messed up in the head. Because after the wedding the lady preacher even came up said that she thought it would have been better if both sides had gotten to know each other better. Ayrie's mother didn't want anything to do with us at all. That doesn't sound like anybody was messed up in the head to me but behavior and attitude problems. Are you going to treat me like Ayrie's mother did and not ever have anything to do with me as your mother? I will tell you that and I can tell you of what you start with is mainly what you send up with 99% of the time.

MOM



That is where I started reading. The words "Ayrie's mom" this and "Ayrie's mom" that just didn't sit too well with me. Plus, people have been treating me like crap all week. I have defend my character and my families character at least three times this week. I could have went off on Tristian's mom... I really could have. But I wrote her this very self controlled letter to let her know I knew she was talking her smack about me and my mom.



Z,

This is Ayrie. I have read all you have said about me and my mother and I am finding it difficult to restrain myself so that I don't disrepect you with what I am about to say. You are my mother-in-law after all.

First off, you should know that the reason Tristian doesn't come see you is because of his own personal demons and feelings toward you. Not because of me or my family. Tristian rarely sees them. If you want him to make more of an effort to see you then you need to settle what is between the two of you. He has alot of anger about the way you raised him.

Secondly, your attacks on me and my family have hurt my feelings greatly. My mom is my best friend and I know better than anyone that she would never have intentionally been rude to you. It is true that my mom was under a ton of stress at the time of the wedding due to the fact that she was closing on a house that she and dad just had built and she was the only one running the wedding from the ceremony to the reception because no one offered to help her out. Plus her first daughter was getting married and it was the first wedding for my family. I am sorry she didn't have much time to talk to you. In fact, I didn't even get to see her (except at the ceremony) on my wedding day... she was THAT busy.

Thirdly, I highly doubt my mother ever told you Tristian and I would never work out. Mostly because that is how her mother treated her when she married my dad and she finds that attitude rather revolting. She is very good to Tristian and accepts him how he is. She doesn't pressure him to be apart of anything my family does on the holidays. She is just glad to have him if he shows up. My mom is a good Christian woman and believes that marriage should be forever. She has been married for over 30 years. If she thought I was making a mistake marrying Tristian she would talked to me and not to you before the deal was done. So for future reference, please do not make any more ill comments about any members of my family. I will NOT put up with that from anyone.

Fourth, I regret that you have not received our Christmas cards we send every year. If Tristian and I don't have your address we usually send it to his granny's address. You might want to check with her about your missing Christmas cards. Furthermore, we could care less if we get a present at Christmas time. Christmas is about the birth of Christ and not to see how many presents we can rack up. If you would like us to visit on the holidays, you need to let Tristian know the when, where and how and if he wants to go then we will. I have never stopped him from coming to see his family on the holidays or any other time. In fact I have encouraged it. We have never been because we have never been invited to my knowledge.

Finally, this is my ONLY email to you on this subject. I won't be returning any response to future emails on this. I want this matter to be over with so that I don't harbor any ill will towards you and what you said to Tristian in your emails. My mom is a great mom. You could start being one too by telling Tristian your sorry for whatever he's holding back inside against you. Family healing starts where it fell.

Said with Much Love,

Ayrie



Oh the Drama.....!

I am totally addicted to Nip/Tuck. I have been getting dvd's in from Netflixs starting at the beginning and I am now well into the second season and man is it wild stuff. I can't fathom what the 3rd season is airing cuz this past episodes are mind boggling. My favorite storyline so far is when Sean has that extra marital affair with the woman dying from breast cancer and he stays with her in their hotel room (the last place she actually felt happy) as she commits suicide/mercy killing. I can't forget when Sean has to throw her ashes into the ocean at the funeral and his wife realized that this is not just a patient he cared about was a breathless moment. Sean couldn't let go of the ashes, he loved his mistress with all he had and the thought she was gone forever stalled his heart. Could you imagine what that must feel like? When you realize you will never see that one person that brought laughter, tears and unconditional love to every moment of your life just suddenly being gone with no way to get them back? It was gut wrenching to watch... let alone if you had to go through it.

Of course, I am not saying it was ok for him to cheat on his wife but the show followed the relationship in depth and when she (the mistress) choose to end her pain it felt like it was you sitting beside the bed watching her swallow those pills and hearing the crinkle of the plastic bag as she pulled it tight around her head. You were the one holding your breath as hers slowly faded away. It was your tears that slipped down your cheek because you knew this had been a great love, perhaps a love of a lifetime.

As for the rest of it, yeah there is sex sex sex all over the place. However, I don't find any of the doctors to be attractive at all. Christian has a nice build but he is a pig. My favorite character however is the girl that Christian met at Sex Aholics Anonymous. She is a pistol isn't she? She'd rip your eyebrows off and return them special delivery via your rectum to your face. If I wanted to be (and I was at one time), I could be just as cruel. But as I have matured I opt for peace and a quick end because that is the quickest road back to contentment. But push the wrong button on me and you will know you have pissed me off. I'm not one to hold back what is going on in my mind. I use to get pissed and when who ever got me mad asked me what was wrong I would be like, "Nothing..." and sulk cuz something WAS wrong while waiting on future attention. But one day I got a clue and discovered that is not the way to solve a problem. So now I opened my big mouth and lay all my cards on the table. This has worked out alot better for me and has taken alot of the bullcrap out of arguements resulting in happier endings faster. However, this girl is unrelenting which isn't something I can say I am. I see no reason to hold a grudge or to get payback or to make someone else suffer in addition to what is normal. Thats not natural to me. My attitude is get over it and get on with it.

Varuka keeps trying to tell me about Season Three but I stop her dead in her tracks. I can't hear about the future when I am stuck in Season Two... it might ruin it. She might tell me something I don't know yet. Something I am not suppose to discover yet. She buttons up but I can tell she is dying to spill her guts. Season Three will have to wait it's turn.

I also have been following Six Feet Under pretty close. Tristian started watching it because he use to be a mortician and if you don't know Six Feet Under is all about being a mortician. I have to admit that it is getting a little too "gay and lesbian" oriented in the topics. I would much rather see how the oldest brother's drama with Brenda or the storyline with Kathy Bates' character who is sooo carefree and fun. I even like Claire's love interest in Brenda's crazy brother. The mother is a fruitloop that is obvious. But the show grows on you.

Thats what I am watching... how about you?

Ah sleeping late... waking up knowing you have no plans for the day. Your biggest decision of the day is figuring out what type of cup of joe you want to enjoy while surfing the net all day. The husband crept in about 5 a.m. from work and didn't disturb you too much. The dog wasn't laying smack dab in the middle of the bed sidways and you didn't feel pinned to one side of the bed. The husband will sleep till at least 4 p.m. and you have the whole day with your little ol'self. Life is good. Sure I got house cleaning to do, it never stops. Not when you live with The Tornado or a dog that thinks shredding a whole roll of toilet paper and strowing it all over the house the best game ever invented. But housework will just have to take a day off. I'm not the least bit lulled by it's desperate yet silent voice that begs, "CLEAN ME! NOW! YOUR THE ONLY ONE THAT DOES IT RIGHT!" Nope not today.

It is time for me to do things I like. Like write in my blog, shop online, drink double espresso mocha cappachino that has been chilled in the fridge overnight, feed my dog sugary stuff when she least expects it (she goes wild), walk on my treadmill while jamming out to Aerosmith, take a long hot shower and use ever fruity, aloey, pore clearing body and hair product in my bathroom then getting on my scale and seeing I lost another pound, begin reading a new book I just bought or found (my latest one is Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden), and watching chickflicks all day long and not feeling bad that you cried here and there over people that don't really exist at all... yeah life is good.

I have most of my Christmas shopping done and every year I post what I got everyone. I intend on doing just that but Tristian had a little talk to me about all the gifts I give at Christmas time. He took my hand as I was explaining how and where I got this and that for who and he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "But what do YOU want?" You know that was a very good question. One I have never been asked to answer. In fact, I thought about it quiet a bit since he asked and I even tried to look for stuff for myself online but ended up moving from myself to "hey I bet "so and so" would like that..." I couldn't even stay on task. Then I realized that my present to myself is the joy of giving. It makes me happy to give someone something they actually wanted. I hate it when I have to think up something. My ears will perk up whenever I hear phrases like, "I would REALLY like to have that!" or "I NEED 'so and so.' " I always make mental notes just like Santa would do. Even though I took Tristian's question to heart, I am sure it wasn't that deep at all to him. I am sure he was just fishing on what to get me for Christmas and that was as far as it goes I am sure. In fact lots of people ask me what I want for Christmas and I have to confess I never think about it. That is why I go blank when the subject is broached. So for I made this list of things I like that never go out of style for me and I will give it to family, friends and anyone else that is racking their brains this year about me.

1. I LOVE antique jewelry. I am not to much into the diamond encrusted silver stuff but anything with gemstones, rhinestones, cz, cameos or hand painted and makes you take a second look at it... I will probably like. I have been looking for a poison ring forever. I don't want one that is mostly made out of metal. Jeweled ones are alot better.

2. Electronic anything.

3. Favorite Authors are: V. C. Andrews, Nicholas Sparks, John Steinbeck, Pablo Neruda (poet), John Grisham, Fannie Flagg, Louise Mae Alcott, and Max Lucado.

4. I collect pictures of ladies facing left when you look at them.

5. I have been looking for earrings and a necklace that is just a simple red heart alone. I like sterling silver or white gold opposed to yellow gold.

6. I like the color combination of white with black trim or red, black and white together. Whether for my home or clothing.

7. Electric kitchen gadgets.

8. Gift certificates to my favorite places like the movies, stores, and food.

9. My favorite perfume is called Foxglove but I also like Joop for Women and Navy (but it makes me sneeze).

10. Computer anything.


...and that is all I came up with that never gets old on me.

Now on to what I got for my peeps this year:

Tristian - is getting a $200 gift card from Best Buy so he can get that video card he has been going on and on and on about for months. I would go buy it myself but I don't know which one he wants and I don't want to come right out and ask him cuz it makes him crazy when he doesn't know what he is getting for Christmas and I LOVE to make him crazy. I also bought him some clothes and an online game called "Band of Brothers" or something like that.

Mom - I bought her some curtains and a floor matt that she has been asking for since last year. Her laundry room is so cute and these things just enhance her creativity in there. Tristian got her a framed painting of a frontier woman standing beside a creak and her little farm house looms in the back ground. This is it: here .

Dad - I got him a foot massager that kneeds your feet and doesn't do that stupid viberating thing. It was expensive so I am gonna but both Tristian and my name on it.

Thorne - is getting a Strong's Concordence.

Varuka - I got her a trivia game about the 80's and 90's. She loves games and if they challenge her knowledge of things of old then she REALLY loves it. Varuka and Tristian gag gift each other every year. This is Tristian's gift: here . It is called a Boyfriend Pillow. Tristian is so mean cuz Varuka has never had a boyfriend or gone on a date. Probably because she is socially retarded. I heard from mom that she got Tristian a refrigerator pig that oinks when you open the fridge door. They also get each other real gifts too. Tristian got her a book with color pictures and the script to the broadway play, Hairspray.

Angst - I over heard him say he needed a 50ft. extention cord for his new garage. So I went out and bought him a 100ft one and one of those things you roll it up on so that it doesn't tangle up.

Heather - I bought her a pink heart necklace. She loves the color pink. Most all of her clothes have pink in them.

Isaac - is getting a award winning toy that teaches him how to crawl. It sings and entices him to come after it and if he touches it with his hand it runs away so he has to go after it. It is suppose to encourage him to crawl. Which he is so strong that I am sure will be no time at all. He's already scooting across the floor using his arms and rolling over and he's not even 3 months yet.

Angst's fiance - She collects snowbabies which I think are pretty dern ugly. So I bought her one with Mrs. Claus making gingerbread cookies together.

Angst's future step son - Kid's camera. He's 6 years old. It takes real pictures but has big buttons for his small hands.

Papa No Good and his wife - Nothing. AND WE ALLLLLLL KNOW WHY.

Tristian's Grandmother - Small gold hoop earrings. She kept dropping the hint at dinner last weekend.

Tristian's Mom - I have no idea what to get her. I never see or talk to her so I left it up to Tristian to get. Which means he probably won't get her anything. Cuz he has never been one to celebrate holidays on his own.

That is pretty much it except for a few friends but those friends read this blog so I won't reveal what I got for them in here... it would ruin the surprise.

Ok now I am off to enjoy the rest of my day.

Try not to let the world take over you life everyone and remember to take the time for the things you really enjoy.

QUIZ TIME!!

I took these quizes and so can you!

You Are a Classic Beauty! You have a timeless beauty that looks great in every decade Instead following trends, you stick to what works And this means you never skimp on your beauty routine Upside? Your classic looks tends to attract gentlemen - not boys. What Type of Beauty Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

What Your Black Outfit Means

You're a sophisticated woman with big city taste. You have a strong creative force - even if you don't wear the boldest clothes. You tend to intimidate people. But the right guy won't be intimidated by you! Designer match: Dolce & Gabbana Signature accessory: Gold framed sunglasses

He's Not Even Swimming in Your Pond

Even though you may have feelings to this guy, he has no ties to you. You'll never get more than a casual fling from him - even if he tells you otherwise. His thoughtless actions speak louder than his sweet words!

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

You Are a Passionate Kisser

You are the most likely type to kiss a sexy stranger Your kissing style is unpredictable and free spirited You could kiss anyone at a drop of a hat It's all about where your passion leads you

So I mended a few fences this week which was no easy feet. So right now all is well in Ayrieville.

This weekend was absolutely great. I did tons of shopping. Mostly for christmas stuff but I did manage to not to leave myself out. Friday, I picked up my new sofa and loveseat. I went to the store fully intending on buying the set that was on sale. They didn't have any instock so I asked if they would give me a simular set that I saw near the door for the same deal. A set by the way that was $100 more and had a much better quality fabric on it and the wood work ornate and the finish much darker. The saleman said that he didn't mind giving it to me for the same deal so we took it. The set is very victorian in style and very solid pieces. The feet are a ball and claw and the wood work curls up each arm with floral carvings through out. The wood also crosses over the top base above the feet. The fabic is a deep blood red with hand size gold grape leaves stenciled pattern. The sofa has 7 throw pillows and the loveseat has 5. I instantly fell in love with it. But check it out for yourself:




(I took the color out of the picture because my flash didn't go off on my camera when I took these pictures but you get the point.)

The rest of my weekend was rather full too. Tristian took me to eat at Top Hat. It is barbeque place out in the boondocks. I usually don't care for barbeque but these people actually do it right. There is this one place in town that has won alot of awards for their barbeque but Top Hat has them beat by a million to one. It is like comparing fillet milan to chopped steak. Their menu is a pretty tipical one with everything from hushpuppies to slaw and baked beans. Nothing to write home about but that barbeque... no one does it better. I guess the only bad thing I can say is that you have to drive 10-15 miles down a deserted backroad with forest on either side of you. At night, that is pretty scary. But out of nowhere there is this little old restruarant packed full like the old honky tonks use to be of people vying for a taste. In all honesty, I could easily see Rob Zombie doing a movie at this location. It is that weird looking. Makes you pray to God that they are not using the kind of meat that the peeps in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre did. That would explain why everyone is so ravinous for it. (If you didn't see the Ravinous movie you won't get that last joke.)

Lastly, I broke down and bought a purse that is "in" now. I usually never conform to fashion. I want to be myself. Wear things I like the way I like them. But I actually liked this purse even if Tristian said, "Well... it sure is 'out there' isn't it? What are all these flashy things hanging from it?" That is when I took the dern thing away from him and said, "If you don't like it then I KNOW it looks good." I can't believe that fashion actually caught up to my taste. When the monogramed purses came out I was not going to get one to save my life. Everyone had one. It was like high school all over again. But not me... I instead bought a very Mod purse that was a darling pink plaid. No one else had one and I got comments on it at least once a day asking me where I found it and how much I paid. When it comes to fashion and tends I guess I am alot like Megan on Felicity-I don't conform. I like my style, my way, on my terms whether or not it is the norm.

Well I need to get Tristian off to work and myself off to bed... I hope you all have a great day tomorrow!

I was called into my bosses office Tuesday. They didn't sound too happy. They asked me to have a seat and started some small talk. Telling me how I never just sit down and chit chat with them. Which if you think about it... who really wants to chit chat with the boss? I mean really. Don't get me wrong... they are really great but they also hold on to my paycheck every pay period. I'm not about to mess that up. Not me. So I stay nice and tucked away in my cozy little office and mind my own dang business. However, I do have to confess that I have struck up a few conversations with my female boss. Possibly because she is more approachable than the male one. She and I have lunch sometimes too and talk about our families and pets. She's into nascar and my male boss won't ride with her because she has the need for speed when she drives her own car. (I guess I should give them some names to end this male and female crapola. Ok.. she is now referred to as Ellie and he will be referred to as Apoo.) Most of the time when I associate with Ellie it is when Apoo has gone to lunch. I am usally not alone with Apoo except for an hour each morning because Ellie's drive into work is about an hour. Neither Apoo nor I are morning people so we stay in our own corners and you can hear a pin drop in that place every morning. And I like it that way. Give me a Mt. Dew and silence in the morning and about 10 o'clock I am a busy little beaver working hard for the money. I have to say the fax machine has startled me on several silent morning occassions. So thus the reason for my distance.

So I am sitting in the office listening to Apoo talk about this and that and Ellie smirking at him like "get to the point already." So Apoo turns and says, "Ayrie... how long have you been with us?" I smiled at this because that morning I noticed that it was my official 1 year anniversary at my job. It was a small milestone for me since last year this time I didn't know how or where my next job was going to surface. So I smiled at Apoo and said, "Why it has been exactly one year today!" He smiled back and then said, "Well on behalf of Ellie and I, we would like to thank you for being such a hard worker. We have no complaints and we are glad you are sticking it out with us as we start this company from the ground up." Then he hands me a piece of paper. I flip it over and it is a check. "This is a little thank you from Ellie and me." It was an extra weeks pay! And there was no pink slip attached to it! My eyes must have lite up and I was taken totally off guard. I didn't expect anything so cool. Then Apoo said, "You can go get you another gadget like your ipod thingy. Is it an ipod?" "No it is a jukebox but it is just as good as an ipod. It holds about 8,000 songs." "That is pretty nice. You download it off the internet?" "Yeah, off the net and off my cd's and music files." He looked like he was thinking very methodically about perhaps getting one of his own. To tell the truth, I love listening to my jukebox at work. It drowns out Apoo's indian music that sounds like it was made for the Exorcist soundtrack. Creeeeepppppyyyy! And if I hear the Indian version of Christina Aguelare-however you spell it song "Fighter" again... I think I might stab my ear drums out with the letter opener. It IS REALLY that bad! I think that little Asian dude from American Idol would do it better justice.

However, I am not going to get a gadget with the money they gave me. Ironically enough, I am going to by a sofa with it. I have hated mine for a long time. Especially since Toby torn the one I have now up and peed on it. I cleaned it of course but still I can't sit on it.. the thing grosses me out. I was saving for a sofa for Christmas and was going to get it anyways. It has a matching loveseat and is very antique looking but sturdy too. It is blood red with gold pattern through out. It has a dark cherry wood that scrolls from the base of the arms and up. Very victorian. Now I can buy both of them. Yeah... new living room suite for me!!! Think I will go this weekend if I can get Angst or Thorne to help Tristian oust the old couch and move the new stuff in. Seeing that Tristian fixed Angst's computers for free the other day... he should have no problem helping out.

I may be one of the STUPIDEST women on the face of the earth... no, in the UNIVERSE. And all it took was a moment of clarity to realize it.

From the moment as little girls, we realize what this "love" thing is all about... we dream of it. We dream of the romance. Of the excitement. Of the future of complete and utter happiness. We crave it like a drug. We seek it out and we won't be satified until we find it. Why? Well, I think this might have something to do with it:

-To the woman he said,
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you." Gen 3: 16

That was the curse God put on women because she disobeyed him by eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Most people focus on the pain in childbirth thing and forget all about the last part. This curse can totally explain how we women are always looking for "The One." Have you ever seen a woman that has found her soulmate/husband? She will do ANYTHING for him... thus forfilling the entire curse.

We put I high value on love, but do we really see it when it is right in front of us? Usually not.

But I was shown a good example of what is REAL LOVE and then what isn't. A shocking and stripping look at the truth that left me beside myself. Set before me was an amazing truth and a deceptive lie. I examined both very carefully. Very methodically. Then it was like a light shined down on me and I knew which was the truth and which was the lie. I think that is what is referred to as a "revelation." And now that I know what the truth is... SOME THINGS ARE GONNA HAVE TO CHANGE. I am extrememly nervous about what I must do now... but I know in my heart of hearts, it is the right thing. Wish me luck.

SO UGLY THEY ARE CUTE



As you can see from above I have identified several people that I think are "so ugly they are cute." I have had this weird thing for some not all ugly men since I was a little girl. Because of this, I dated some really fine guys, some mediocre ones, plain ones, and yes even some "so ugly they were cute" ones. 90% of the time though, the ugly ones are the ones with the most charisma and that really connects with my mojo. If you have some charisma, you have won me over at least 75% of the way. Whether, it be friends, family, or lover. Lets take a look at each guy I have choosen:

1. Steven Tyler - Oozing with charisma. He eat, breathes, and sleeps it. Plus, he has talent out the zin yang. Mom tells me she doesn't understand my obsession with him. But Varuka and I know he is a mighty fine ass man! I use to have a poster in my bedroom when I was a teen of him in that tight red jumpsuit he wore in Love in an Elevator video... you know the one with the black flames of lace. I had it positioned in front of my bedroom window just so I could see him as I was coming home from a date or hanging with friends. He had this look on his face like, "You had fun... didn't you... admit it... you did?" I loved that picture. I might add too that out of the ten guys listed above I have had several sex dreams that involved Mr. Tyler (none of the others have showed up in any of my dreams) and lets just say...big lips are not such a bad thing after all.

2. Jeff Kober - I caught my first glimpses of Jeff in the movie The First Power. He has lots of bit parts but when ever I see him I think, "There's my man!" He beefed up a bit for that JLo movie he showed up in. You know the one where her husband beats her up and she starts to fight back. He was playing one of those guys that breaks your legs if you don't pay up. I have to tell you, I hated the muscles... he looks better lean. Further more, if you examine closer all the guys on this list tend to look like monkeys don't they. Varuka pointed that out to me or rather chanted, "Ayrie likes monkey boys!" Well perhaps I do... sue me.

3. Michael Wincott - Oh man! He could just sigh on camera and I think would start quivering right in my pants. He has the coolest deep voice ever! Sexy, sensual, and damned if he doesn't look like one of my ex-bfs only like a billion times better! He gives off a vibe of someone so cool and swauve that the villian's he portrays 90% of the time become not only evil but sinister. The fact that he is an older man... only makes his status on the list that much higher. Older men just know what they are doing.

4. Brody!! - I have loved Brody since I seen his skinny malnourished but in The Piano. I don't know what it is about him. Tall, dark, exotic, lanky, laid back, Brody. I think I like him best in that Coke commercial where he is riding in that car and rolling with the bubbles. Varuka and I both shout, "BRODY!!!" when we see that commercial come on. We're hypnotized for 30 seconds then resume to normalcy.

5. David Krumholtz - I know, I know... thats the dude with the yarn hair in The Santa Claus movies with Tim Allen. I hate to admit it but David is the newest member on this list. I guess he made it a few months back when I was watching him on Numb3rs. I thought I was grooving on him because it was that time of the month... really ugly guys have a chance with me during that time... or they use to before I got married... usually I wake up and think, "what was I thinking." But after all was said and done... I still thought he was good looking. I usually don't find Jewish looking men attractive but there you have it. I bounced him off of Varuka one day and was like "what do you think... zima guy moment?" She said, "Nope, I have thought he was hot for years... since Freaks and Geeks." So he made the list.

6. John Henley - He is a newly added member too. I saw him on that show Nip/Tuck and was gaagaa. He looks like one of those Vogue models and every time I see him he always looks soooo CLEAN. I mean really clean like just got out of the shower pink skin peeked clean. I really like that. What I didn't like however was the fact that in my Budget Living mag I got for this month he was showing how he could buy all this stuff he liked for under $50. Everything he bought might as well have come from the "How to Dress Like a Redneck." It was awful. Down grade I am afraid.

7. Carrot Top - This one got me kicked out of the club by my mom. She said, "You are no longer allowed to say who is good looking and who is not... CARROT TOP! Nope... you are disqualified from choosing." I just looked at her in a shocking laugh and said, "Well if I can't choose you can't either... Mrs. I Love Baretta/Robert Blake." Then I turned to Varuka and said, "Mom likes the little men." To which my mom smiled shyly and said, "Yes... I do." I guess I like Carrot Top mostly because he has a nicely built body and his facial features are really pretty bold. Plus, he absolutely has that charisma thing going for him. But I must admit that he didn't make the list until I started seeing him in tank tops on the CALL AT&T commercials.

8. There is no 8 because apparently I can't count! Sorry.

9. Guy Pearce - I have liked him since the first time I saw him. He makes me think of the little boy down the street that use to try to kiss me in his backyard. My favorite movie he has been in was Momento. He was really good in that. Varuka likes his performance in Pricilla Queen of the Desert. I think he is quite dashing and he has an accent. Grwlllllll.

10. The Zima Guy - I could not find a picture of him. He use to be on the old Zima commercial sipping on a Zima at a bar talking to friends. He had this afro white boy hair going on and for some reason... I thought he was cute. At the time I thought I must be loosing my mind but Varuka once again come to my rescue, "You think he is cute too? Thank goodness, I thought I lost my mind, Aryie." We laughed and laughed about him and still do to this day. He was the one that started off the So Ugly They are Cute list. Go figure.

I hope you enjoyed this little look into my mind. I am sure there are plenty of other men out there that could make this list... I just haven't found them yet. I did however, date a guy that looked like a cross between Steven Tyler and Jeff Kober once but he was such a loser that he never made the list. I ran into him at a restraurant on a date about 6 or 7 New Year's Eve's Ago while on a date with another guy (N) and he was drunk out of his mind and it was only 8 o'clock. He had gained like 50lbs and I could see his gf/wife/whatever was knocked up. Way to go HeeMan! Needless to say... he was not worthy of The List.

If you know of someone so ugly they are cute that should be on the list... let me know... Varuka and I will consider it.

Thanks for reading.

Wouldn't you know it... right when I get my jukebox is when it gets too dark to go to the park and walk without fear of being kidnapped, rapped or mugged. Lucky for me I got at least two good weeks in of walking at the park and I may get even more if I play my cards right. Lets rewind to a week and a half ago. I was chugging along in the park... listening to my jukebox... minding my own business... when out of no where came this huge Kujo dog and rams right into me. He's not attacking me as much as he is trying to get me to play with him. But if you know me, you know I really don't like to be around big dogs because I just don't know what they are capable especial if it is a stranger dog. So after about the third time of being whacked in the legs (while going uphill, I might add), I was about to kick the crap out of this dog... come what may. I mean he was almost as tall as me and taller on his hind legs I am sure. I got the words, "Ok, motherf..." when a hand reached out and grabbed the terrorizing things collar. My ear phones had been knocked out of ears from the jolt of the dog's last pummle, so I was able to hear a, "Hey... don't knock down the nice lady, Buck." I turned to look to see who was rescuing me and lo and behold... it was Dusty! I little older than I remembered Dusty but Dusty all the same. He immediately recognized me too. "Hey aren't you Thorne's little sister?" Inward, I was rolling my eyes... I hate to be referred to that way. But he redeemed himself by saying, "Ayrie? Right?" I smiled and said, "Yeah, I am surprised you remembered." To make a long story short, we walked around the track a time or two talking and laughing about how my parents were too lame to come pick me up from school sometimes and I'd have to walk. Dusty said he use to look for me after school to see if I was walking home so he could give me a lift. Dusty picked me up and drove me home many days. I then proceeded to thank him.

"No sweat. I actually liked doing it. Gave me a reason not to have to go straight home."

"Still, it was a nice thing to do."

Then there was a dead silience and then Dusty blurted this little jewel out...

"You know... I was working up the nerve to ask you out back then... don't you?"

(ok.. ackward moment.)

"Ummm... no... I didn't have a clue... ummm,"

"Yeah... but I never could... once, I asked your brother, Thorne, if he would ask you for me. He wasn't going for it. Me and his kid sister? Nope. He told me, you weren't allowed to date yet. That pretty much ended it right there."

(I am feeling caught in a weird situation now and fumbling for words.)

"My brother has done that to me before. He was just protecting me."

"I don't blame him. If you were my kid sister I would have done the exact same thing. I didn't scare you by telling you that did I?"

"Ummm... oh no. Not... at all."

"I see your married. I just got a divorce..."

"I'm sorry to hear..."

"Oh don't worry about it... Buck seems to be enjoying his new freedom don't cha think?"

I smiled. Buck was off trying to knock someone else over.

"A little too much I am afraid."

"Do you walk in the park much."

"I was going to replace my treadmill time here but it seems to be getting darker and darker faster and faster these days. I might not want to chance it the spring."

"Well, I been coming here everday at 5 o'clock for the last 6 months. The walking gives me time to think and Buck just loves it."

"I know what you mean... the walking I mean... it clears my head too. Too bad it is going to be back to the treadmill for me in a week."

"Well, if you ever feel like you would rather walk in the park. I will probably be here. I could keep an eye out so you feel a bit safer."

"I couldn't ask you to do that. Besides my husband would freak out!"

"I understand. If you change your mind though... I really don't mind."

Then we arrived at my car and I went home. I been walking in the park for the last week or so. Dusty is there. He doesn't bother me. Just kinda smiles at me and lets me get on with the business of walking. He walks the trail too but he keeps about a half a mile back. I am figuring so Buck won't try to play "knock the chubby girl down" game. Its nice to know he is there. He has always been a nice guy. We'll see how it goes.

Saturday night, I was surrounded by fairy princesses, ninjas, and action heros. A fall chill was in there air, bonfire in the background, and squeals of little children on hayrides being spooked by pretend goblins echoing all around. And all I could think was... I am soooooo not into this this year. So instead of enjoying the festivities I decided to enjoy my new nephew and went into my cousin's house and gobbled his fat little cheeks up. We walked around the house and looked at all my cousin's cool stuff. Isaac really likes the projection screen tv and the picture of the pretty ladies giggling in the picture above the sofa. We were all alone and no one was vying to take him away from me. It was nice. I asked him, "What is the secret to life, Isaac?" (If you have ever watched Baby Geniuses, you know what I am talking about.) Isaac smiled at me and then started moving his mouth like he was trying to talk to me with everything he had. Waving his little fists in the air then with a sigh and grunt, it was over... and I didn't understand a word of it. What I did understand was that he was in need of a diaper change asap. Apparently, you can't tell the secret of life without crapping yourself. I guess that isn't that high of a consequince... not if your a 2 month old baby.

I have to give props to my girl, Mel. She recently took a huge step forward in her love life and I am so pleased that she was brave enough to do so. YOU GO GIRL... GIVE'M HELL!! You deserve all the happiness in the world.

This weekend I took a hour or so drive over to Scottsboro and checked out a store that use to be in my own town. You can visit it here... The Unclaimed Baggage Store . Basically, if you ever lose your luggage at the airport and never get it back... it goes here to die... or ... rather to go live with someone else who will love your stuff enough not to lose it on a plane in the first place. They had tons of stuff from all over the world. I think I oogled and handled everything and the only thing I bought was a antique white gold sapphire ring that looked very expensive. Of course, I got a great deal and now I can romantize about who's finger it use to rest on and how they received it. The senerios are endless. Tristain tried to ruin it for me by telling that it probably came off an old dead woman's finger and that is why I got such a good deal on it. Then he decided that story wasn't creative enough and said that surely it was cursed like those objects in the Friday the 13th, The Series tv show's cursed objects were. He said perhaps it had secret powers that I wasn't aware of yet. Tristian may have a bigger imagination than me... regardless, I love my new ring... curse or not.

I have been battling a sinus infection all week. The pressure in my nose makes my head feel like a ton of bricks and the pain in my ears (not to mention the vertigo) is maddening. So I think I will go lay down and rest up before I have to go to work in the morning.

I am absolutely in love with my Jukebox! I never realized how much I missed my ragged old walkman I use to have before I got married until my Jukebox arrived in the mail last week. Granted my Jukebox is like a walkman on speed and really shouldn't be compared to the premative working electronics of the 80's, but there ya go. I charged that sucker up and proceeded to download all my music files that were on my computer. Then I broke out all my cd's and copied them on to my computer and downloaded them in to my Jukebox. After that I downloaded some audio books I have been wanting to read off of BearShare. After everything was said and done... I still had 27GB of space left. Who can conceive of having that much music, ebooks, etc. right at their fingertips? It's the best thing since government cheese.

Last night I downloaded a relaxation audio to listen to before I went to bed. Mostly, because Brad and I were talking about them that evening. He said it has never helped him sleep and he is lucky if he gets a few hours of sleep a night... that insomniac. So I was curious and decided to try it out on myself. Now keep in mind that I have never been one that could not just fall asleep within the first 15 minutes of laying head to pillow. Complete darkness and silence is all I need. So there I am listening to this guy drone on and on about how I don't need to be trying to make myself go to sleep but listen to his voice. He told me to take about 10 deep breaths so I did. Then he told me to imagine a blue mist around me and taking over my body with each normal breath I took. Basically, that was all I remember. I woke up the next morning with a totally drain of power Jukebox from being left on all night. I was like "did that actually work?" Then I thought, "Wow! I must really be subseptable to suggestion." I wonder what else that guy on the relaxation audio told me that I don't remember. It was a bit unnerving. Now I watch Myth Busters from time to time on tv and I have to say that the myth that "relaxation tapes/cds/etc. don't work" has been BUSTED! It worked on me. Sorry, Brad you must be the exception. But then I always knew you were exceptional to begin with... :)

Believe it or not, I attempted to watch another Hellraiser movie tonight. I will admit that the Hellraiser movies are about the only horror movies that I find scary. Although, depending on who is writing the screenplay the story line can suck royally. However, I would have to say that my favorite and totally mind boggling one has to be: Hellraiser Inferno. Because the plot is full of twist and turns that do not make sense until the end of the movie. That and I think Craig Sheffer has a really hot body. But don't take my word for it... check it out for yourself and see if it doesn't make you look at the world around you different... at least for a few seconds. Another great horror movie is The Cube and it follow ups: The Cube II and Hypercube. The concept of these movies is very curious and held my attention through out. Hypercube is the less desirable of all three but it offers a neat prospective of what happens once the prisoner is able to free themselves from The Cube.

Moving on... it seems I have the writing bug once again. I knew it would come around. It always does in spurts that last about a year or two and then fizzles out for a equal number of years. I started a new story last week. The basic idea of the story is that a girl's grandmother dies suddenly and leaves her a suitcase full of handwritten bound books. Before her death the grandmother explains the legacy of the books and their significants. Makes her vow to protect them until the girl's dying day. The girl investigates the books to see that the authors of the books are people from her very own life. One will be written by her mother that died when the girl was 15 years old. Another written by the grandfather she never knew. And so on and so forth. Then she will begin to read the books and discover things about her family that she never ever knew before and they will turn into priceless treasures. And I promise to make at least one thing blow up in my story so Brad will at least read it if I should show it to him... which is pretty much a sure thing.

Mel... I finally sent you that package I been talking about for a few weeks. I actually went to the post office and stood in a line. And it wasn't even Christmas. No, really I hope you enjoy what I sent ya.

First off, I would like to thank everyone that sent me a Happy Birthday wish. My favorite was "my dearest sympathy" e-card, I think I laughed for a good 5 minutes. You guys are the best!

Secondly, I would like to announce that there was a winner of my quiz posted a couple of weeks ago. The winner wished to remain anonymous so I have decided to give him a fictitious name for the sake of online privacy. Congrats Willard! You answered all the answers right and your cassettes are in the mail as I type this. Now go get a life... no one should know so much about me... lol.

The answers were as follows:

1. Tristian and I just celebrated a wedding anniversary. How long have we been married? (5 years)

2. I gave a dog away last year. What was it's name? (Tobie)

3. If ever any occasion arrives where I should be given a gift (say b-day or Christmas), my dad gives me these because he thinks I collect them but I don't. I never had the heart to tell him and over years I see these gifts as priceless items. What are they? (porcelain clowns)

4. How long have I been online journaling/blogging? (5 years)

5. What is the name of my favorite perfume? (Foxglove)

Again Willard, WELL DONE!

To everyone else that submitted their answers, thanks for participating.

Now for my b-day news:

Well, I actually went to work that day. Around 10 o'clock one of my boss's called me into her office. So I left my office thinking, "what now?" I rounded the doorway of her office and I heard, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" My bosses got together and bought me a cake and a card and chips. I was really surprised and not expecting something like this at all. It was very sweet of them. I am glad they like me and that they make my job a good place to be. You can't always find that out there.

After work, Tristain and I headed out to mom's for dinner. I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed in my mom this b-day. I don't know what was going on with her. But for 30 years she was always the first one to personally wish me happy b-day before I could start my day. This year she didn't even call and I didn't see her until 6 pm. She usually cooks a special dinner for me but I heard that my dad did it this year. And she usually makes me a "Better than Sex" cake but Varuka made it this year and well lets just say... Varuka can't cook. It was really bad... Ellie Mae style. Once Thorne and Heather showed up with Isaac, no one else in the world existed for mom. (I do have to admit he is quiet captivating though.) Mom was so involved with Isaac that when we finished Varuka's horrid cake, she was ready to take off to the living room to play with Isaac. Then Thorne said, "Hey, what about the presents?" To which my mom answered, "Oh yeah, I totally forgot it was your b-day." Now that sucked. Cuz mom never forgets any of our b-days or the hosting there of. Now don't get me wrong I am not complaining just pointing out that "the little things" that usually makes the day special by my mom just were not there this year and I missed it.

I got lots of cash presents. Those are always great. I have used it to buy an Creative Labs 30GB Jukebox mp3 player. It should be arriving later this week. In addition, mom and dad got me an ice shaving machine which is DA BOMB! I love that thing! Varuka bought me The Notebook on DVD. Which is one of my all time favorites movies/book. And Varuka thought she would be cute and give me an Eddie Rabbit album. If you don't know the story behind Eddie Rabbit story... well... for some reason Varuka thinks I had a crush on Eddie Rabbit when I was a kid (like 7). The real story was that Rebecca, my cousin liked him and I thought she was cool. She wrote, "I love Eddie Rabbit" on her basketball so when I got one, I wrote it on mine too so she would think I was cool. Who knew it would haunt me forever. To make matters worse, Thorne had a friend that was the spitting image of Eddie Rabbit and everyone thought I liked him because of the whole Eddie Rabbit basketball thing. Which was NEVER the case, EVER. EWWWWW. I did however have the biggest crush on Thorne's friend Jimmy. Varuka did too. Mom even said he was "purty." Thorne laughed at us all when we brought him up in the conversation. He said, "Yeah he is bald and has a big pot belly now." We all busted out laughing then.

Finally, Varuka gave me the biggest laugh of the day when I opened her card and it said, "Congratulations on Your Barmitva! " She wrote a note inside about how she was so happy to see me grow into manhood. It was hilarious. I got choked up I was laughing so hard. I love cards that make you laugh. They are priceless. I hate old sappy cards unless they are really from the heart and not some bull crap the sender doesn't really mean.

The following Saturday, mom and I went shopping all day and we got some great stuff for dirt cheap. But I got THE PIECE DA RESISTANCE. I have been looking for a long long time for a deep emerald green blouse/shirt (whateva) and I was inside J C Penny and I was wading (literally) through some racks and I turned a corner and BOOM! BAM! there it was. It was dark, emerald green, soft, stylish, and in about 5 minutes it was gonna be mine. I ran right to the dressing room tried it on. I turned around and looked in the mirror and the shirt just made my eyes look electric. I was SOLD! It was truly a great day for my wardrobe. I made Tristian take me out to dinner so I could wear it out that night. Then we took a walk in the new garden at the park down town. It really had been an excellent day. And I don't have many of those.

Well, I have a baby shower to go to. So I will talk to you all later.

The Big "31" has been looming over me ever since October turned the corner. (Finally. I love October!) But I don't think I like the idea of "31." I even had the odacity to complain to God about it. To which he tenderly bought to my attention that "technically" I was almost 32 if I counted from the day of my conception. To which I added, "Thanks alot God! Now I feel LOADS better!" I am sure he was laughing at me when I rolled my eyes at Him.

Recently, a few of my girlfriends and I got together and discussed being "31." Since we all were going to turn that age in the next few months. Of course, my friends suggested that I go first. To which I added a "ha ha" cuz my birthday falls before theirs. However, as we discussed this "31ism" the words, "how" and "old" crept into the conversation. Which was quiet the opposite of words we use in our "15's" and "16's." We used phrases like, "when I become an adult..." and "our kids will probably date each other." They were phrases with dreams attached. But not "31," it has phrases of finality attached to it.

Remember that old tv show "Thirtysomething?" It seemed that when it was on that those actors looked alot older than thirty. Perhaps, fortysomethings. So now I wonder, do I look as old as they did? I hope not. Up until 30 most people thought I was alot younger than I actually looked. (Probably because I abhor the sunlight and stay under the safety of UV computer light for all my skin coloring needs.) But now I seldom hear the compliment. Add that to the fact that Tristian (in his youthful stupidity) pointed out the beginning of crowes feet at the corner of my eyes. He could have just stopped there but nope he continued to tell me just how deep the creases in my forehead were. Next thing I know... I start noticing stuff. Like I got a wrinkle on my foot. My foot! It wasn't there last year. But it sure made an appearance this year! I noticed that my motabilism is crapola to. (Which I am trying to remedy-naturally.) But I know for a fact that I take in about 1400-1500 calories a day. Which is what Dr. Hottie suggested to me last year. Still it has done nothing but hold me steady to my current weight. So my body must tell itself, "Ayrie only needs 100 calories a day to survive... lets move the rest to fat cells in her ass! She'll love that!" Oh and I can't forget, how I never get past twelve before I feel the need to pass out. (I use to say up till 2 am and go to work at 8 am the next morning with no ill effects. Those days are long gone.) Now, I can barely get out of bed at 7:30 and be at work at 8:00. I feel groggy until at least 10:30-11:00 before my eyes discover, "Hey! We're awake." (My deepest apologies to everyone that has to share the road between 7:55 & 8:05 (cuz I am never on time anymore)with me.

But I must admit to that being thirty isn't the highlight of my life. But I did have some good moments in 30.

1. I forfilled a longtime girlhood dream.
2. I returned to my love of reading novels.
3. I freed myself from some horrible debt.
4. I became an aunt.
5. I started my own online business.


Alot of large steps were taken this year. Lets hope that 31 is filled with less finality and more hopes and dreams.

Since my birthday is coming up in a few weeks, I have decided to give out gifts to my readers. However, there is one condition. You must correctly answer 5 trivia questions about me and my life. It will be questions that I have drawn from previous journal and blog entries. The winner(s) will have their choice of some lame cassette tapes that my dad (Homer) got me (he thought I would like them) on his most recent yard sale venture or a surprise gift to be revealed upon delivery (hint: it will be something I have in my life and see everyday). The cassette tapes are as follows:

Robin Hood Prince of Theives (Single -(Everything I Do) I Do It For You
Kiss- (Single) -Forever
Duran Duran- Arena (entire tape)
Taylor Dayne - (Single) -I'll Be Your Shelter
Taylor Dayne - (Single) -Love Will Lead You Back
Skidrow - (Single) -I Remember You
Nelson - (Single) -(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection
Bad English - (entire tape)
Damn Yankees - (entire tape)
Bad Company - (entire tape) 10 from 6
Michael Bolton - (Single) How Can We Be Lovers
Poison - (Single) Something to Believe In
Alannah Myles - (Single) Black Velvet
Bad Company - (entire tape) Fame and Fortune
Extreme - (Single) More Than Words
Amy Grant - (Single) Baby Baby
Alice Cooper - (entire tape) Trash
Bryan Adams - (Single) Thought I'd Died and Gone To Heaven
Richard Marx - (Single) Children of the Night
Whitney Houston - (entire tape) (no name-think it is her very first tape-has How Will I Know on it)

If you chose the cassettes then they will be divided among the winners. You must answer all 5 correctly. I will accept answers up until Friday, October 5, 2005. Now here is the quiz. Good luck:

1. Tristian and I just celebrated a wedding anniversary. How long have we been married?

2. I gave a dog away last year. What was it's name?

3. If ever any occassion arrives where I should be given a gift (say b-day or Christmas), my dad gives me these because he thinks I collect them but I don't. I never had the heart to tell him and over years I see these gifts as priceless items. What are they?

4. How long have I been online journaling/blogging?

5. What is the name of my favorite perfume?

Please send answers to my email address: belovedaboveall@yahoo.com with "I Think I Know" in the Subject line. Submissions to the Comment section will not be counted. I will announce the winners in my blog as soon as I have the results. Please specify which prize you would like to receive if you should win and an shipping address in your email.

Have fun!!

Ayrie

"Be careful with me, I'm sensative... and I'd like to stay that way." ~Jewel (Pieces of Me)

You either love me or you hate me. Or at least that is how it has felt for the last week or two. Take Tristian, we have been none stop bickering since we left out to go to the Third Day concert last Friday. Oh to be a fly on the window of our car on the drive down. You would have thought we hated each other's guts. Which is not the case. Most the time, I am rather tollerable to his ecentricities and outbursts. Because I was raised with lots of brother's and sisters, I have learned to fight it out and then get over it already. This is not true for Tristian. Only child. Got his way alot. Holds on to grudges as if it were a life and death thing. Vindictive too. Plots out revenge and sometimes follows through. A recent example is some guy yelled at him for going to fast in a residental while he was deliverying his papers and pissed Tristian off. Tristian went back the following night and sprayed weed killer all over his suburian grass and landscaping. (He told me after the fact.) Now he drives by to see the guys yellow grass and feels right proud of himself.

But I am not afraid to get on Tristian's bad side. He knows I can give what I get so he usually does not go testing the waters. But anyways, we bickered all week and that bickering turned into play after awhile to see who could rall the other one up worse. And by Wednesday and died to a quiet shooting off at the mouth all in the name of good fun.

However, I think Neil enjoyed my company this week when I showed him I had the equipment to voice pc to pc. Which we did (several times this week) I told him he talked funny and he said I did too. And from there we got into a complete discussion on the end times and politics. It ended with extreme webpage coding gone wild. Yeah we are boring dorks but loveable all the same.

I kinda pissed of a couple of my friends this week too. I let it slip that I thought Catholisism was equal to devil worship (for me) and they just didn't like that at all. What I should have said was "AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, there will be no place for Catholisism as a religious practice. " (That's my official public apology-Sorry peeps.) When it comes to denominational affirmations, I have to agree with Dr. and Minister Joyce Meyers when she said, "Religion makes me sick! Ek!" I don't claim to be in any denomination and if someone asks me what denomination I am, I just simply say, "Jesus." And if they presist by saying, "Uhh... yeah I know that but..." I stop them and say, "I believe in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I believe I am saved by grace and not by works. Anything past that... is just details." They usually let it go at that. Thank goodness.

Oh and I can't leave this out! I accidentally kicked Dr. Bing in the nuts this week. So I am sure he isn't my biggest fan this week either. It's a funny story involving a straddling chubby girl on a table being told to scoot forward and more forward until the middle just gave way and the foot went flying. Unluckily Dr. Bing was in the pathway of my foot while I was trying to save my life. I apologized profusely. He just sucked it up and said it wasn't the first time it has happened to him. Then he proceeded to chide me for rescheduling my appointment with him 3 times in 2 months. I tried to explain how I wanted to combine my 3 month check up after my surgery (which was in July) with my annual check up for August now that I had health insurance. He just gave me that "still you should have been here look." I left chided, feeling violated (cuz that is just the way it is when you leave the gyno), and grossed to the max for having touched accidently my foot to my doctor "no-no" area.

Finally, Tristian's bird that I called "bird" (cuz I really didn't like it) isn't too happy with me right now either. Seeing as it is probably dead on my account. I took it outside for some fresh air on my back porch. Tristian and I left to get some dinner. When we returned the cage was busted wide open and bird was gone gone gone. To make matters worse, Tristian is the one that found the scene. One of two things could have happened. One the cage could have feel off the patio table and crashed to the floor. Which I highly doubt because I am very responsible and I would have made sure it was on the table securely before walking away. Two (and most probable) some cat came along and pushed the cage off the patio table and boom-instant dinner. Rest in peace Bird, whereever you are.

So if you haven't been one of my biggest fans as of late, don't worry your not alone and you're in good company.

I absolutely can't wait till this weekend!!! I am going to see one of my favorite bands live and on stage for the first time in over 8 years. Third Day is going to be headlining the Christian stage this year at a little music festival here in Alabama called Big Spring Jam. Lots of well known bands come from all over for the 3 day event. I think this year the main band attractions will be The Black Crowes, The O-Jays, and some country singer I have yet to even care to find out what they sing. I've been waiting for a chance to see Third Day for a long time and they finally are gonna play some where I can actually go and see them.

The first time I even heard of a band called Third Day, I was at a very small outdoor concert that was hosted under a tent on a farm somewhere in Tennessee. It was all good cuz tons of my friends where there like Fionnah, Tina, Travis, Tim, John, and a few others. Third Day was not a big Christian band then and I remember Fionnah, Tina and I standing on the porch of this old one room cabin looking at their new cd (cd's were a new idea then) with the picture of a bus on the front. (Turns out that was the best cd they did and I make copies of my original all the time so that I always have a good copy of it.) Mac and the gang where all huddled around their sales table chit chatting with whom ever gave their band the time of day. I remember thinking...oO(Gee, he sure is a nice guy but he looks like he could be Manson's (you know Helter Skelter Manson) grandson.) Later that night they played their set for about 150 people and I have to say Mac's stage presence lured everyone closer to the small and shaking stage as if they were in a hypnotic trance. By the time their song "Theif" was over, everyone in the audience was dead silent in awe of their performance. Myself included.

Now get this, because I find it very ironic. It is my understanding that Third Day patterned their music after one of their favorite bands from when they were younger and not saved-The Black Crowes. Here is the ironic part. At the Big Spring Jam when Third Day is scheduled to play-at the same time the stage next to them will be The Black Crowes. I have no doubt that Third Day will have their day in the sun with The Crowes and will let their song "Blackbird" which was written as a special message to The Crowes will be belted out like it has never been belted before. It's just like their music mentors might hear their their Christian message aimed directly at them. That is if Third Day realizes that The Crowes are on the next stage and put two and two together. I know I have. So anyhoo, I thought I would share the "Blackbird" song with anyone willing to listen to it and form their own opinions. I personally think it is one of their best songs:

Listen to Blackbird

Blackbird
Lyrics & Music by Mac Powell

Blackbird, why you wearing that frown?
Don't you know Jesus loves you and me
and the preacher on T.V. you're putting down

Blackbird, how I love to hear your songs
I could spend all of my time in the shade
of the trees and listen all day long

Chorus:
But you're ever hearing, never understanding
Ever seeing, not perceiving and your heart
has grown callous
You're in a storm and lost you way
Won't you fly to heaven and be saved today

Blackbird, now you're broken your wing
You try to fly high but you know that you
can't go anywhere, you can't do anything

Blackbird, who put you in your cage
Tell me, was it God or was it you
Was it me? I guess it don't matter anyway

Repeat chorus

(Bridge) You say you need a remedy
for the thorn in your pride
I think it's such a tragedy
That you have left Him behind

You say you'd light you candle
But your love light doesn't shine
You say you talk to angels
Well I say it's such a lie

Repeat chorus

I knew there was a reason why I liked Bill Clinton sooo much. When ever I see him come on tv for whatever I instantly say, "Bill!!... You rock!" then I think, "oh great man of the people... is there anyway to save us from the evil Bush Axis?" He just smiles back, nods and continues his interview and/or commentary, but if you look in his eyes they say, "Don't worry Hillary's on the way." This is very comforting.

But the other day, Bill finally commented on The Great Bush Debockling of American 2000-2008. I guess after Katrina, he just could not sit back and pretend his successor was doing a good job or that it was none of his business to speak up. Basically, he said the Bush didn't know what the heck he is doing. For those of you that missed it, you can read the article
"Clinton launches withering attack on Bush" for yourself. I was really excited that Bill spoke up and was giving him hi-fi's in my mind all day.

Now I know Clinton's morals are crap. I am not blind to that. Heck we all have done things we are not proud of...not that is an excuse for his behavior. But when he left office the economy was stable, he was working for peace with conflicting nations instead of seeing war as the only option, abortion was down because people could afford to raise children, and gas prices were acceptable. We have none of that now. Our economy is in debt up to our eyeballs, we are picking fights with people, abortion is at an all time high because people can't afford to have children, and the gas prices are rediculous. I hate to say it but under a Democratic president and Congress the good ol'USA becomes a great country but under a Republican one we let the rich steal from our poor and we pick fights with other countries and force the poor to pay for it. The Democrats always have to come in and clean up the messes Republican's leave behind. Always. I am pretty sure Hillary has a good chance to win in the next election and the fact that she will have to spend the first 4 years of it cleaning up Bush's mess makes me want to puke.

I have five words for the American public: "Impeach. Impeach them BOTH now!" Step up America and take our country back! If my husband was handling our household the way Bush has handled the presidency, you better believe that I would go and take the whole shi-bang away from him before it was too late. That's common sense... do you have any America?

It is official, I am Isaac's favorite. Seriously. Thorne and Heather brought him over to mom's for some b-day cake (mom's b-day) and everyone was goo goo and gaa gaa over him. But everytime someone picked him up he screamed bloody murder. Finally, I could take it no more and rescued him from my brother and suddenly there was silence. Everyone was baffled. My brother tried to take him back and suddenly there was no silence. So... he backed away and Isaac settled back down in my arms. What can I say... the kids got taste.

Isaac's arrival was a pretty big deal but things calmed down real quick. Or that is what I thought until I walked out of the Hallmark store inside the mall and found my husband seated right beside my ex in deep conversation on a mall bench. My first thought was, "Oh crap!" My next thought was, "He's bald? Completely bald." Not hubby but my ex. Completely bald! I mean it wouldn't have come as such a shock if he had been going bald when we were dating. But there really wasn't even a hint of going bald then. Now... no hair! It was too late to back into the Hallmark again. They had seen me. So I tried to be confident and walked up to them. It seems they had struck up a conversation about God and church and as a result my ex smiled and then invited us to his church. Before I could say anything, Tristian said, "Sounds good... now where is it exactly?" Poor Tristian... everyone was in on the joke but him... which is usually the way it is. Needless to say we spent another 5 minutes chit chating before I could pull Tristian away. I could not get out of there fast enough. Believe it or not, as I was leaving out I think I saw another one of my ex's getting his hair cut but I wasn't too sure on that one so I kinda made a bee line for the door hoping not to run into anyone else I have frenched in the dark before I left the parking lot. Whew!

In other earth shattering news, Papa No Good came to my city for a job interview for a very well known government business here. If I said the name you would know it for sure. Lets just say it is connected with NASA and leave it at that. Anyways, Tristian gets this phone call on the answering machine that says, "Hey, I am at the Holiday Inn in room 123. Why don't you and Ayrie come over and I will take you to dinner?" I have to admit that I freaked a bit. I detest Papa No Good to no end. So I gave Tristian the message and bolted out to my mom's. The thought of having dinner with him is horrible to me. Cuz #1 I know he is going to bring up the fact that my uncle hit on his wife (then fiance) at my wedding and #2 just about everything that comes out of his mouth is gonna be something sleezy. If you can picture Dan Fielding from Night Court's personality merged with the face and body of Danny Bonidutchi (only aged about 10 more years) then you have a pretty accurate description of my father-in-law. So the thought of him getting a job in my city just absolutely thrills me to the core. NOT!! Anyways, I think he went to back to Chicago yesterday. I know Tristian spent some time with him this weekend and he likes his dad (for some strange reason) so I am glad he got to see him. But as for me... I really don't want to be in the same room with him. We have "issues" if you know what I mean.

For those of you that did pray for Mel and Brad... thanks. Mel did find her brother a few days after that post and I talked to Brad Friday night and he is just fine. However, he was heading back to New Orleans again this weekend to help recover bodies so keep him in mind. If you would like to make an honest donation to the victims of Katrina, Brad has a webpage up where he is offering prints of some of his photos taken the last time he went to New Orleans at: HURRICANE RELIEF SERIES LIMITED EDITION PRINTS Brad isn't an opportunist so I know the money for these prints will be spent on survivor relief and in the rebuilding of lives. He didn't ask me to plug that for him... I just did cuz I know he is a really good guy and is honestly helping out. There aren't many organizations let alone people you can say that about. So consider this option if you haven't already given. I know his heart felt thanks goes out to each compassionate person that gives to this relief.

And now I must go watch my new Felicity cd. Ta ta!

Hello,

I just got back from the hospital. I got a call about 9:30 this morning that Heather was going into full labor. Saturday she had started to have contractions but wasn't dialating so they sent her home to sweat it out a little more. When I got to the hospital she was already 5 centimeters. An hour later she went up to 8. An hour later than that she began to push. Oddly enough, because it was Labor Day weekend, my Dr. Bing was on call instead of Heather's regular doctor so he delivered Isaac Shane at 2:40 p.m. He was 8 lbs. and 12oz. Compared to the other babies he is Goliath. He has the biggest feet and hands I ever saw on any baby in my life! He has my dad's eyes, forehead, bad temper, and forgiving heart. If anyone does anything like take his tempature or give him a bath, he screams bloody murder. As soon as they finish, he calms right down as if nothing happened. He has Thorne's jawline and chin. He curls his bottom lip just like Varuka does when he cries. His top lip looks alot like mine. He has Heather's nose, torso and legs. I think the big feet and hands come from Heather's mom's side of the family. He has a head full of light brown.

I got to hold him for about 3 minutes. He was really long. I am sure he measures at least 24". He kept flicking his tongue at me so I am sure he was pretty hungry. But he found his hand and started sucking his thumb like it was going out of style or something. It was loud smacking over and over. I think I fell for him right then and there.

Angst's future step son who is 5 years old told me, "I know where they got that baby!" So I was intrigued to see what he would say. So I asked, "Where?" He said, "Oh, they got him from heaven. But you know what? If I was in heaven, I wouldn't want to come here." I laughed my butt off at him.

So for all that have been waiting, I'd like to introduce you to my new nephew:



Thanks for reading!!

I don't think Brad will mind that I am going to post his letters to me in my blog. Not as long as I put up a link to the Red Cross and FEMA. If this doesn't move you to give or help... nothing will.

To all my friends and family that have wished us well and sent your prayers, God Bless you. I landed in Baton Rouge late Friday night and went immediately to the Red Cross command center. Yesterday morning at 4:30 am I got up and boarded a military 2 1/2 ton truck full of water and MRE's. Before I even got 1/2 way to New Orleans, I began to see people with refugee camps along the highway service roads. People have propped up sheets of plywood and tarps to provide some type of shelter.

Though I'm no longer in law enforcement or the military, I was a member of the East Baton Rouge Sheriff's Dept Reserve. I also have a Concealed Carry Weapon Permit so I did not come down unarmed. The military presence down here has increased substantially. Many of the NOPD members have turned in their badges. I passed two NOPD officers holding each other and crying openly. Most of them have lost their homes. Many have had no contact with their familys. Many have been shot at and on duty since Sunday. My heart goes out to them.

I've been in tears off and on for 2 days now. This is my home and these are my people. My family. My friends. So much destruction and devistation. Not just to live and property, but to humanity itself. I stopped counting bodies. The smell is worse than anything I ever came across in 3 combat zones with my time in the Army. I've passed people still waiting to be rescued begging for help after still a week. We pulled an elderly black lady and her granddaughter off a roof. The heat has been sweltering. They have had virtually no water for close to a week and I seriously doubt the lady makes it. Her granddaughter isn't much better. She's going to be 5 tomorrow. Their names were Ms. Elsie and Rochelle. We cried together as we drove the boat back to a waiting ambulance.

I spent 2 hours guarding water. I rode with a group of soldiers looking for other survivors. Not one of us spoke. We couldn't. We didn't know how to put words to what we were feeling. They were a group of Guardsmen from Houma Louisiana. This was their home too. We all felt the exact same thing so no one needed to say a word.

I'm back at the command tent now in LaPlace. I was able to score a few minutes on one of the laptops to send out an email to you all to let you know I'm safe. I worked until well after 2 am last night and was back out at 5 am. I've had no sleep and I'm exhausted. I've fought back so many tears I don't have anymore. We were shot at 3 times yesterday and once this morning. I worked with two Sheriff's Deputies to capture one of the men doing the shooting. The teenager wasn't happy about the way he was treated by the deputies, but he failed to take into consideration two things. 1. We're there to help him and his family. 2. During Martial Law, there is no Constitution. You get what you ask for. We also stopped a pair of thugs attacking an older gentleman for his wallet even though there was nothing in it. These men make me sick. They are among the lowest forms of humanity and deserve no rights in my humble opinion. We heard of a man who raped a 7 year old little girl at the Convention Center. A crown then gathered and beat him to death. That was too easy a way out for him if you ask me.

This place is unlike anything I've ever seen. this is my home, but I no longer recognize it. I have so many photographs of of places that are just...gone. But I've spoken to so many people here and the overwhelming concensus is that New Orleans will return. It will be restored to what it once was if not better.

I'm going to catch some shut eye. I've asked to be sent to the Biloxi area this afternoon. So much attention has been placed on New Orleans and so little in the areas on the East of the Eye. There are town wiped completely off the map. I'll be there until late 2nite and into tomorrow. My flight home is tomorrow night. I wish I could stay longer but I have a family in VA to care for as well. They're my first responsibility. I pray that I get the call from FEMA next week so I can return to work down here for a living. I should know within the next week or so if I'm moving back to Louisiana. I pray I do get the call.

Please, for the love of God, give all you can. You can't imagine in your worst nightmares what this place looks like. People are dying daily and they need not be. The response down here truly was too slow. Whether it's $5, $1, or $100 it all counts. Get your community involved. Get the churches, or the schools, or whatever you can. Get the fire departments and the radio stations. These people have lost everything. Many have no where to go. I can't put into words everything I've seen here. I don't want to. You don't want to know.

I'll update again as soon as I can. I need a shower and some rest if I can get it.

Hugs,

Brad